I don´t want to be filmed but rather shoot myself
At the beginning of the film there is an objection that is expressed twice – and deliberately translated in an ambiguous way. We might speculate that this objection could have set off a lively conversation about what it means to portray a filmmaker in moving images. In fact, I don't want to be filmed but rather shoot myself was created spontaneously during a studio visit. Christiana Perschon came with the intention of continuing her series of collaborative portraits of an older generation of women artists with Friedl vom Gröller.
The film is a dialogue and record of an encounter between two filmmakers who, as can be seen immediately, are connected by far more than a common medium. And it shows everything that fits into a portrait besides merely a filmed face: a “relationship film” with the filmer and the filmed person, the apparatus of an analogue projector, its glaring light, and the projection of another film with another face, which in turn is filmed while viewing. I don't want to be filmed but rather shoot myself is a generous film: an “expanded portrait”, if you will.
The mirror into which Friedl vom Gröller films and encounters herself filming – an archetypal moment of every autoportrait – expands the space, as does the projection of her film Max Turnheim (2002–2022), which depicts a young man portrayed in different phases of his life. The film image flickers over the faces of Gröller and Perschon, who is mostly shown sitting next to the projector, sometimes with a concentrated gaze on the screen, sometimes looking into the camera. The projector functions as a protagonist in its own right. In the interplay of moving mechanics and the beam of light, it is as beautiful and mysterious as a human face. (Esther Buss)
Translation: John Wojtowicz
Ich will nicht gefilmt werden, sondern selber filmen
3 min 40 sec
Friedl vom Gröller